At first, it was easy to write a list in my native tongue of "assholish," but realized I would better served by offering up some legitimate learnings in my time here. Rules like #36 "If thinking about writing a game, don't," and #67 "First kidnap a programmer and keep him trapped in an old well," have due purpose if sitting down at home to write the Great American Video Game, but these rules presuppose that you have all the things in place to make some interactive fiction (including team consensus on a design and overarching story, scope, and resources) and now you just need to get it done.
#1 Design the game. If you're not deeply tied to the design process from the beginning, as a core member of the game play and puzzles, you're going to want to kill yourself. It would be like being asked to write "a thing" while in another room a group of madmen toiled away on the actual medium (tablet, notebook, elephant hide) you'd be transcribing your work upon.
#2 Don't write a video game. In the Guardian article Elmore Leonard says "If it sounds like writing, rewrite it." I think we can say the same things for games. If it sounds like something that you hear in a video game, even if it's a bark from a space marine, rewrite it. Things get interesting the more specific you make them. Games suffer from a lack of specificity in general -- generic or cliche motivations and backstory create a gelatinous foundation from which to tell a story. Don't reinforce that with trite, gamy dialog. Let a character talk about strange and specific things and you'll write a good character, not a good video game character.
#3 Understand the impact of your writing on the experience. IE: Don't hold on to a particularly genius turn of phrase or your most quality quip because you love it, gosh darn it, and it's going into the game even if it has a negative impact on playability. What I often find is that I'll write something that I really like and then realize (or more often than not have someone tell me) that it made them think their goal was something different than it was or that they didn't HAVE to talk to Doctor Mañana, the shady pediatrician/black market organ wholesaler, because because I thought it'd be funny to suggest staying away from him. Don't let your writing (or your ego) get in the way of a good time.
#4 Read otherstuff and play other games, but be discerning. This is a piece of advice from the Guardian that really resonated with me. Don't play and read everything because that's unrealistic. Play and read the stuff that you want influencing your work, because it will. I'd love to think that my nightly Gears of War sessions don't rub off, but I assure you they do. That being said, don't stick your head in the sand either. PLAY AND READ STUFF. It makes you better and keeps you informed.
#5 Frequency of player feedback is at the utmost importance and to uphold it you have to trim the fat. I actually learned this from the Secret of Monkey Island. There is some long winded exposition and character interactions in that game but nobody remembers them as boring. Why is that? It's because you constantly, and I mean constantly choose what Guybrush gets to say next. We can have long "talky" scenes in video games. Just figure out a way to make the player a part of them. In a SCUMM style game, or in a Telltale Game, I do that by keeping my sentences short and trimming the bits that can be snipped. But most importantly, if the protagonist is going to say something in my script, why not let the player pick which way he says it? I'll make a rule for myself about how many seconds I'll let pass before asking for the player to say something. I was dreadful at this in Wallace & Gromit (where we didn't use dialog trees). If your game is about a lot of character interaction, design a mechanic where choosing what is said next is fun.
#6 All the things that make you a good writer will also make you a good game writer. So basically, everything. Treating it like a job, writing all the time (outside of the job even), treating story-telling like a craft, understanding the tools at your disposal, knowing your process, being confident of and in command of your voice, and simply just doing the work. You never write a game "for fun" because you need a team to build it. But people write screenplays and novels and plays all the time -- and the trick to being any good at that is to write write write. A lot of writers compare writing like going to the gym -- and I'd agree with that.
#7 Be flexible about what writing is. Writing isn't just dialog. It's filling out the world with the specifics of storytelling. Level designers write a large chunk of the game. Art writes the game. Create documentation and build relationships that allow you to influence these things if you're in charge of the story. That doesn't mean be a tyrant (unless you're the CCO of your own studio or a ballsy game director, then tyrant away if that's your bag) but remember, while you may be the "writer" this game will be authored by many people -- so love them and give them reasons to love you back.
#8 Don't act like a writer. Just do your job. Get the words down and act like a designer. Writers have a tendency to be self-absorbed, tortured alcoholics, but you can't act like it -- if your Art Director moped around complaining about being Wacom-blocked and feeling uninspired, he wouldn't have many friends. And neither will you. (Side note: I do this all the time and have only managed to save face at my company through pity and bribes.)
#9 Save exposition for gameplay. You know the old "show don't tell?" Think of it as "force don't tell," which is a creepy phrase out of context. Force the player to create, engage or even imagine the exposition of the story instead of relegating it to cutscenes (unless you've got a whiz-bang one that I've just gotta see). Let your writing provide texture and fine tuning to the conflicts, problems and dramas int he world.
#9.1 Drink if you have to. Generally not advised if also authoring logic or having to constantly worry about non-linear sticking points, but I say if you need a cocktail to settle in and get the shit off of Twitter, then go for it.
#10 Have fun, goddamit. You're writing a video game, not the Port Huron Statement. We get the rare opportunity to craft make-believe-button-pressy-magic that a bunch of fellas are going to have to spend good time to bring to life. If you're not having fun, get up, clear your head and come back to it. Yes, it's a job. But it's also every 13 year old's dream.
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